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Animal
Diaries
Excerpts
from a Dog's Daily Diary:
8:00 am - Dog food! My
favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpts
from a Cat's Daily Diary:
Day 683 of my
captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little
dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other
inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I
make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless
must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing
that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust
them, I once again vomit on the floor.
Today I decapitated a
mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this
would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates
what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending
comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity! There
was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed
in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I
could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what
this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost
successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by
weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again
tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that
the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives
special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more
than willing to return. He is obviously retarded! The bird has got
to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards
regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors
have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he
is safe for now............. |